warning: intensely girlie, cornie rant....
so ryan came into my work tonight....i dont quite know what it is about him...(i know its more than the intense eye contact, cause ive over come that before.) he walked in the door and my whole body tensed up...i became instantly nervous...its a weird feeling...i am always capable of playing it cool---its practicly a talent. but he looks at me and i loose all brain power or something. he stuck out his hand so i gave him mine and he held it for a few seconds and then said "so how are you beautiful?" ( i actually thought i dreampt the 'beautiful', but my co worker was kind enought to tease me about it the rest of the night) after and un necessarily long pause i said i was alright...he left a 5 dollar tip....he makes me dilerious...i was still shaking a good hour or so after he left...
as soon as he walked out the door andrea said "oh wow he really likes you. he didnt take his eyes off of you the whole time...." im thinken this is the LAST thing i want to hear...im trying to block out any thoughts of that kind, cause i just dont want to get my hopes up, or start likeing someone and then just end up getting hurt again. i called ashlee on my ten and that wasnt all that helpful either..." he makes you feel the way nobody else does...you know they have a name for that...love."....hah!!!! i mean oh man, so that was way over board...but do i like him....its different so i cant tell. is there just a different chemestry...normally i do the whole slantie eyed thing--i joke, im sarcastic...more of a bantering flirtation...i think he is a bit more intense and up front than i am used to...i cant hide behind "i was just kidding" -- i'm not sure i know what to do with that. i feel like i am way out of my league here....but everyone else seems to think he is right on my level, i just need to realize that.
in other news...i have a dr.s appointmene tomorrow...please pray for me. there could be bad news or maybe no answers just more tests....when i know for sure i will let you know...but for now ... im just scared and nervous.
well they actually thought that i might have cancer...but as it turns out they say it is probly nothing to worry about....but i go back in a few weeks for one last look....but i feel pretty reassured after this last visit.